If you are reading this post, you are in a most unfortunate predicament. Today, is Friday the 13th, after all – a most #DireDay thanks to Lemony Snicket. Today is the day when books shall fall from the sky and ruin your perfect little lives.
Yesterday, my misery unfolded when the morbid UPS truck stopped at my house. My doorstep withered at the sight of three dire boxes sitting seemingly peacefully by my door.
BEHOLD THE MISERY.
|THREE TIMES THE MISERY|
|And the letter from the horrible man himself.|
|Here they are in all their dreadful glory
at the Arlington Library
Of course, I was under the dire need to get rid of these books as fast as I could, to remove myself from such a horrible circumstance of unlucky books inside my poor house.
And so, on Friday the 13th of July, I left with my poor father and sister and searched high and nigh for a place to dispose of the 96 books claiming to be THE BAD BEGINNINGS. I went to the local dentist. They closed their doors and hid in their homes out of fear of this Dire Day. I went to my local doctor but he fled his office and disappeared lest he should be a part of such despair.
But of course, my local library was not so lucky. I was able to dump the despicable books on their counters and left before one of those miserable books made it back into my poor car.
|So much misery at the library. Woe is them.|
And I left them for the poor children of my city. If they know what is best for them, they won’t set foot near the miserable books.
|Oh, poor, poor children|
|I beg you not to visit this park|
What a horrible day indeed! But if you are like many, and don’t care about the misery and dread and despair that will follow when you pick up one of these books, by all means, go ahead. But don’t say I didn’t warn you!
On behalf of Lemony Snicket himself, I wish you all a very, very, #DireDay this fine Friday the 13th. Good day. And good riddance.
And stay away from me. After all, misery loves company.